I belong to several groups on social media that are dedicated to the improvement of social conditions for people of color through education and healthcare; there are also a few where people come together of all races to discuss race relations and offer solutions It is a networking opportunity where we share ideas and information about research and life and all things that are pertinent to our lives. I generally enjoy these.
However, in each of these groups I, and a number of other Black women, face a few Black men whose only mission is to disrespect us and how we represent womanhood and femininity. It’s not blatant name calling, they denigrate us in a way that poses white women as THE standard for womanhood and if we so much as criticize, they enter into a protective mode that is so fierce it is ridiculous. Then when we give up on them, we are told “y’all ain’t loyal.”
This is petty. It is even more petty when the attack is disguised as something else. If you are butt hurt because you have feelings for someone and are experiencing feelings of conflict, that’s fine and is your preference and your issue. Not mine. However, if that person belongs to a group that has collectively disenfranchised women of color and I am calling out the action by the group, specifically the system—not the individual—why are you attacking me? Let’s work together to attack the system.
I am tired of this particular type of man. You do not need to inflict unnecessary harm on someone in order to boost the esteem of another. You especially do not have the right to do that and then expect me to cape for you when the police pull you over. Because I am no longer doing that. And I am no longer tolerating or participating in spaces that allow this to happen to Black women continuously. My time and my mind are valuable and I will not waste them in spaces where I am disrespected!